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[16 Aug 2005|02:47pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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i miss her soooo much. this has been the three longest months of my life. i sometimes feel like i should be blaming myself for her death, they say it's caused by stress and i know that i stressed her out so much just from the one year i lived here. i try to act like i am okay everyday, and it works. no one has a clue that i am breaking down inside. but, i can hardly make it through each day. sometimes i wish it would of been me and not her, but that is just selfish to wish pain on someone else so it's not me anymore.
i wish me and my grandma could see things on the same level. i wish we didn't have to argue about everything. she is the only thing i have left and i feel like there is nothing there holding us together. i feel she hates me for who i am. she always has something to snap at me for, no matter how hard i try to please her. THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING! you have no idea how it feels to have this feeling of no one ever wanting you in your life. my dad left, step dad left, my mom is worthless, my grandma is always saying go live with your father i hate your attitude... IT SUCKS!! truly sucks.
i want to go back to church, i need God in my life again. with Him life would be so much better, i would have a feeling of security and guidance. i know He is and has always been there for me, but i haven't done my part back to Him. i'm going to find a church, and start going again.
i wish everything could just be OKAY. i wish i had someone to turn to and just cry and talk. the one person that i have, i 300 miles away! i feel like no one understands me.. and they don't. more than half of my friends hae no idea about my life... i feel like i am hiding something from everyone because i am always just trying to act okay.
hopefully this year school, work, cheerleading, and volunteering somewhere will keep me too busy to have time to think about any of this. maybe i can get a boyfriend, never had one of those. and i'm going to try and have fun, life can go on after such a tragedy i just need some support.
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and drink it all up!
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[25 Dec 2004|07:49pm] |
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mood |
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 thankful |
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very nice christmas! got everything i
wanted and couldn't be happier! <333
question of the day.
me: look grandma i got a digital camera!!
grandma: o0o how nice. what kind of film does it take?
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4 put the lime in the dietcoke -and drink it all up!
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[04 Dec 2004|11:57pm] |
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mood |
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 chill |
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bought a christmas tree today! i LOVE christmas.. it's just so happy :) we also bought this fire pit thing and i sat by it for a long time tonight and i mdae smores and thought about everything. and i really miss it down there. specially certain people and things. i really miss allie and not being able to see her everyday, it kills me. i miss legend, that was like my second home. i miss this time last year when me, george, and brian were really good friends. i miss my Frosty, he was soo awesome. ugh it just sucks so much, its like i can't let go. and i want a boyfriend. i really like this kid, and we were talking before i left to go down to ft. laud, but now since i've been back we dont talk as much :( o-well
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and drink it all up!
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[16 Nov 2004|09:56pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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music |
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one-two step - ciara/missy elliot |
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BODY ILLS + SKILLS-
-do you bite your nails: yeah, i'm trying to stop.
-can you roll your tongue: yeah
-can you blow smoke rings: no
-can you blow spit bubbles: yup
-can you cross your eyes: yes
-tattoos and where: zero
-do you make your bed daily: i try to
-what's sexiest on a guy: nice stomach
-what's sexiest on a girl: ..
-do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it: twirl
-what utensils do you use eating pizza: my hand
-do you cook: sometimes
-GROOMING-
-how often do you brush your teeth: two or three times a day
-do you shower/bathe: yeah
-how long do these showers last: 15-20 minutes
-hair drying method: air dry = curly [OR] blowdry = straight
-do you swear: not too much
-do you pee in the shower: yeah
-what color is your bedroom: GREEEN
-do you use an alarm clock: yup
-name four things or people you're obsessed with: cheerleading, the OC, spongebob, my friends
-what's your sleeping position: left side, right side, stomach, or back
-what kind of bed do you like: big one
-in hot weather do you use a blanket: yeah, my yellow blankie.
-do you sleepwalk: i used too a lot
-do you talk in your sleep: nope
-how about the light on: nope
-do you fall asleep with the TV or radio: i put my TV on a timer now to go to sleep since i've seen the movie SAW
-WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU-
had sex: never
watched bambi: liek 10years ago
cried: two weeks ago at practice
talked on the phone: this morning
read a book: i'm reading one now, but i'm not finished with it
-MUSIC-
is music important to you: sort of
do you sing: in the shower or in the car
what instruments do you play: none
what do you think of Eminem: talented, fun songs
DO YOU LIKE-
pop music: yeah
punk music: yeah
rap music: yeah
hip-hop/RB: yeah
country: HELL YEAH!!
jazz: sure
classical: sure
new age: sure
hardcore: sure
indie rock: sure
emo: sure
Game: i am the game
-WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX-
What do you notice first? Eyes.
Easiest to talk to: easiest guy to talk to? i guess any of my gay cheer friends.
- DO YOU/ARE YOU-
Could you live without the computer?: nope
What's your favorite fruit?: kiwi
What hurts the most? Physical or emotional pain?: emotional
Trust others way too easily? Yes.
- NUMBER-
Of times you have had your heart broken?: zero.
Of hearts you have broken?: zero.
of drugs taken illegally?: umm one i guess.
Of tight friends?: i have good friends, but only ONE who gets me.
Of CD's owned: a lot
Of scars on my body?: about ten i guess.
-OTHER THINGS-
I know: where I am right now.
I want: a boyfriend
I have: blue eyes
I wish: i never had to move
I hate: feet
I miss: home
I fear: dying
I hear: mtv
I love: new things
I ache: from cheerleading?
I care: too much
I always: like guys who would never like me
I dance: and get down like a pimp.
I cry: when ii'm sad or frustrated.
I write: to get my feelings out
I confuse: your mom
I can usually be found: at home
Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing: nope
-ARE YOU A...-
Wuss: no
Druggie: nno
Gang member: no
Daydreamer: yeah
Alcoholic: never
Freak: no
Brat: sometimes
Sarcastic: ohhhh yeah.
Goody-goody: sometimes
Angel: sometimes
Devil: sometimes
Friend: always
Shy: very
Adventurous: yup
Intelligent: pretty smart
-SELF ANALYSIS YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO DO-
Your best feature [personality]: i'll always listen to you and care
Most annoying thing you do: sarcastic at the wrong times
Biggest mistake you've made this far: too many.
Describe your personality in one word: outgoing
A smell that makes you smile: applie pie
A city you'd like to visit: dublin
A drink you order most often: pepsi/coke
The music you prefer while alone: whatever
A TV show you watch regularly: oc, realworld
You live in: davenport, florida
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and drink it all up!
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| everything is a.ok |
[04 Oct 2004|09:39pm] |
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mood |
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 chill |
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music |
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the killlllllers |
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things have been pretty good lately! :)
we didn't have school last week cuz of the gayhurricane. so now thats more days to make up! they took like a week off our christmas break. o-well!
i got a letter from my mom today!! i was happy, i havent heard from her since june. she has been there for 4months, and only like two more years to go! heh, that sucks but o-well. but she sounds a lot better and that makes me happy.
allie is coming in like two weeks!! i can't wait, i miss her soo much.. it's weird to have someone across the street for 12years and then be put 300miles apart. but she's coming and we are going to have fun and be awesome!! :)
cody is coming the weekend after and we are going to halloween horror nights, and i cant wait for that either cuz i get to see kyle, kyle, and katie!!! they are my favs. that will be loads of fun too!
i really wanna come down there over thanksgiving break, but i dont have money to buy an airplane ticket or anything cuz i need to save it for cheerleading competitions... but if anyone has any ideas or wants to donate, lol, feel free! i probably won't be down there until i can drive (march8) which SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i miss everyone sooo much, it's impossible to describe.
holler at me later player
♥ megs
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and drink it all up!
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[22 Sep 2004|03:05pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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ashlee simpson- surrender |
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i can't wait for halloween horror nights!!!!! :)
not much is new with me.
school is good, i have all A's.
cheerleading is going good too, i can't wait till competitions start!!
i made a "good" friend.. her name is monica and we have a special "bond" because our moms are the same exact way! (weird, i know)
peaceoutgirlscout <33
MARCH:
Attractive personality. sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Loves special things. Moody.
What does your birth month say about you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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3 put the lime in the dietcoke -and drink it all up!
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| stole it from timmy |
[09 Sep 2004|06:37pm] |
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mood |
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mellow |
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music |
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keith urban- days go by |
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Name: Megan
Do you like it? Yeah
Nicknames: megs, searles, meggiepooh, swirls
Screen names: xxbeemine, woOoOOoOOoO0o
Age: 16.5
Birthday: 3/31/88
Sign: Aries
Location: Davenport, FL
School: haines city
Virgin?: yes
Natural hair color: dirty blonde
Current hair color: golden blonde
Eye color: blue/green
Height: 5'4.5"
Weight: 145
Shoe size: 8
* *[ family ]
Parents: nancy and randy
Siblings: brother- neil
Live with: aunt (tt)
Favorite relative: my grandparents are the shit. and i miss my brother and my frostybear (dog) :(
* *[ favorites ]
Number: 6
Day: thursday
Month: october
Season: fall
Sport: cheerleading
Class: math
Teacher: chuck - marine biology.. he's the shit, but he don't know shit. haha
Radio Station: anything with good music
Store: ae, old navy, pacsun
Word: holler
Flower: roses
State: minnesota
* *[ friends ]
Best girl friend: allie-may, sjoberg, kt
Best guy friend: ronnie, kyle
Who have you known longest?: dean, allie
Who have you known shortest?: monica and suzanne?
Craziest: ronnie, sasha
Loudest: ronnie
Funniest: all my friends!
Sweetest: kt cross
Most caring: allie, jessie, adri
Most understanding: allie, and my new friend monica
Best dressed: me
Flirtiest: allie?
Most likely to be a stripper: amy
Most likely to be a doctor: ?
Most likely to be a stay at home mom: jessie
Most likely to commit suicide: ..
* *[ love and relationships ]
Do you have a bf/gf? nope
Do you have a crush?: not really
Why do you like this person? --
If you're single... why are you single? i'm ugly, and yeah i dunno, ask a boy...
How long was your shortest relationship?: 1 day
Who was your first love?: dunno yet
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2 put the lime in the dietcoke -and drink it all up!
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[06 Sep 2004|04:53pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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folks, hunker down! |
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frances lasted from saturday morning till monday morning here. but the good news is that i didn't lose power!!!!!!!!! well i did, but only on and off for a couple hours. i am sooo happy that the power didn't go out, like wow!! the "eye" moved right through here, but it was barely a cat1 when it was here, but that's still pretty strong. but nothing happened to my house. i have no idea what the damage is like around here, cuz we are under a curfew, wtf. so we cant go driving around. so yeah i'm guessing everyone down in ghetto weston is alright? and yall have fun at school tomorrow :), school for me is cancelled!! *j.k you don't have school either!*
one hurricane once a year, could be fun.. but two in one month!! and now maybe even three, EFFFF THAT!! THIS SUCKS. i don't like news people anymore- they say annoying words and bring bad news. 3-6-9
<3333 megan
p.s. if i here one more news person say hunker down or folks or squalls, i will go crazyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!
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2 put the lime in the dietcoke -and drink it all up!
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| hurricane numero dos |
[02 Sep 2004|07:48pm] |
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mood |
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 shocked |
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music |
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no soup for you!! |
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well i am officially starting to worship my power while it's still on for the next 24hrs. i know as soon as wind blows hard, the power will go out cause it's gay like that here.
first charley, now frances only three weeks later. this is crazy. and not to mention we dont have shutters or anything. just a lot of junk food and water!
oh yeah, and i live inland, like NOWHERE near the coast.. yet we are under hurricane 'wind' warnings! wtf is that, i happen to like my house the way it is. and i LOVE how it's gonna take 24hours to move through the state. since in smack in the middle of florida, i get to enjoy all 24hrs :) lovely
hope everyone stays safe and dont go in puddles!! there could be downed power lines. love and miss everyone <333
UP YOURS FRANCES!!!!!!!!!!!!
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7 put the lime in the dietcoke -and drink it all up!
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[21 Aug 2004|10:10pm] |
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mood |
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complacent |
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i FINALLY saw napoleon dynamite! it was THE funiest movie ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but yeah, super funny.. even they liked it! woo and i saw anchorman again, gosh i love that movie, it's awesome! SEX PANTHER illegal in 9countries! and i saw princess diaries2, it was cute, but its one of those movies that makes you want a prince charming and for everything to be *perfect*.. so today, i made it a movie day with the g-rents and tomorrow i have cheer all day and monday is back to school again! :/
old school.. my brother me and allie
ALWAYS playing dress up.. and i finally let her wear my brides dress! haha
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2 put the lime in the dietcoke -and drink it all up!
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[19 Aug 2004|12:03am] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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do the RoCK AwAY |
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so no school kind of gets boring because i have no friends to hangout with! and they are saying school won't be ready by next week cause of the damage and they STILL dont have power. eff' haines city!! so all my free time during the day has lead to an obsession with the olympics, too bad it's only ONCE everyone FOUR years. :/ but yeah blaine wilson and michael phelps are GORGEOUS!! i miss everyone A LOT and hope school is going great :) xoxxooxoxo
( bored )
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2 put the lime in the dietcoke -and drink it all up!
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| finally, POWER! |
[17 Aug 2004|07:12pm] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
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music |
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uhhhh i like it like that |
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charley was cool and exciting!!
.100+ winds
.tornados
.horizontal rain!! (looks cool)
BUT AFTER IT
- no power for 72hours
- 1.5 million without power
- no phone line
+ my little 5in. black and white t.v. (got to watch the olympics)
- tree debris, EVERYWHERE!
- no power= no air= impossible to sleep at night.
- $11billion in damage
- 19 people dead
+ did a 1000piece puzzle, in ONE day!
+ we didn't lose water
- the water we got was ice cold.
- learned every song on the radio
- where i live (haines city) was the thirde worst hit place out of polk county (polk county is HUGE! biggest county in fla)
- florida declared major disaster area
- no GOOD food and warm soda. YUCK!
++++ NO SCHOOL FOR A WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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5 put the lime in the dietcoke -and drink it all up!
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